When the moon is quiet and the night is still, there comes a breeze that plays the leaves in the treetops like a soft symphony. Rustling becomes chords of natures' bells as they dance in the rhythm of the moment. And there is no one. No one but my soul and these stones and this moon. My bare feet follow them - inward inward inward. with every step there is surrender. With every breath there is solace. With every moment there is anticipation. The Center.
My footsteps are guarded and intentional. A tension of wanting to run inwardly toward the middle of the maze and a slowly soaking in of each brick. Brick by brick. Thought by thought. Prayer by prayer. The wind plays with my hair and my eyes close. stopping out of a knowing of an unknown. Feeling my toes along the cold stone and somehow knowing where to place them.
Surrender is so sweet when Trust is our Shepard. Faith lighting the pathway. Though we are blind. Yet we can see.
My heart seems to be beating in rhythm with the treetops now, and I begin pretending the breeze in my face is the breath of God. Drawing me toward the still place in the center. Calling to my spirit. To be still.
To be still.
I remember this
"In the case of God's holiest servants it is always the whole life which is the prayer. There is no need of an unnatural straining at the realization of the presence of God, but only for a quiet remembrance of the abiding presence."
My feet are dirty from the earth and they are wet from the dew and they are covered with the darkness of the night and I close my eyes again. Breathing deeply as I reach the center. And I kneel. I am most at peace when I am kneeling. A weakness of safety. Going back to a conversation a few days ago....
"So why are we here? What is the purpose of all of this and of life? Of living"
I sat. I looked down. I looked up. I looked into her eyes. And I said something like this.....
"I'm not sure I have it all figured out. I am very sure I don't have all the answers. But I am at peace with knowing that I do know this. God put His heartbeat inside of us when we were created and our soul becomes torn along the way with holes. Eternal holes that we try to fill with earthly praise and approval and mountains that never stop growing. But His heartbeat never stops. It beats when we are living out His love and for something much bigger than we are. Let Him love you. Love others through the shadow of that love. And Let yourself Love Him back. Sometimes that's the only thing that makes sense to me"
I open my eyes in the center and smile. I think if I laid down and hugged myself tightly, I might just fall asleep. I love it when I am the only one here. But I am never the only one here. And I am always the tiny one searching. Searching for a greatness beyond my comprehension.
I hope I never stop searching.
"Earthly Love I crave. Spiritual Love I yearn for. Soulful love I live. And I will live. Because I have decided not to die. I have decided."