I Will Not Look Away

I am. Cold. I am. Amazed. I am. Bewildered. I am. Dizzy. I am. Small. I am. Thirsty. I am. Drowning in something I don’t have words for. But I am not blind and I will not looking away.

I will not look away.

These past few years have been an adventure to say the least. But I come back and back and more back to the same spot. To the same place in the dirt. Looking over the shoulder of the drawings of the Savior and as He pondered before He spoke to the stone-holding crowd that surrounded Him. As He drew. And as He thought. And as he wondered before He Spoke.

And I am wondering and pondering and drawing in my own dirt. My mind goes back to a little girl I saw in Fido yesterday morning. She was around three. She was a beautiful Asian little girl. Her frame was tiny. Her hair was messy. She was looking up at her daddy in the middle of the doorway.

“Can you see me now” Smiling. Giggling. She was in the middle of everyone in the middle of the door way. For all to see. You could not miss her. Taking one step back…

“Can you see me now, daddy?”

“Yes, I can see you.” He smiles. Of course he could see her. How could he not see her. She takes one tiny step back again.

“Now, daddy? Can you see me now? Can you see me?”

“Yes, honey. I can see you.”

I soak in moments like those. I often take a picture of them with my heart. Seeing past them. Seeing into them. Seeing through them. Into something bigger.

Just coming from an opportunity to walk with the Resolve staff and advocates in Washington DC. Speaking up for the tens of thousands of child soldiers and handing off hand written letters to President Obama. Some said many words. Some said few. Some drew pictures. Some stayed up until 2:30 in the morning drawing hearts and flowers. Many created handmade envelopes to go with them. Sealed with scriptures hand picked for “His Excellency President Barak Obama”. Some asking him to pay their school fees : ) All coming together to truly ask one thing. Through all of their words, they were asking….

“Do you see me? Do you President Obama? Do you see?”

“We are here and we are orphans. We have been suffering as children of Northern Uganda. The LRA came and killed our parents. Some of us have died. We have been in much aloneness” - Barbara

“Do you? See me?”

No, it wasn’t their words. It didn’t have to be. But that’s what they were asking.

Dear His Excellency President Barak Obama….. Do You. See Me? And do you care?

I am on this airplane hovering over what seems to be millions of miles of empty, unknowing, untouched, blind water. And I am going to the City of Peace. The Hague. The place of Justice.

And I will bring with me these children’s hearts. And I will bring with me these children’s scars. And I will bring with me these children’s stories. And I will stand before them. And I will look them in the eyes and I will ask

You. You ladies and gentlemen…..

Do you?

See them?

El-Roi...

There are so many names to God. So many beautiful, powerful, strong, courageous, fearful, honoring, awing, lovely words for The Creator of the Universe.

But there is one that is my favorite. One that captures my heart and my soul.

El-Roi:

THE GOD WHO SEES ME

The one. The Alpha. The Omega. The Spirit of the Soul of Living. The Author of Life and Love and all things good and perfect. The Giver. The Taker. The Breath of Love. The Creator of Kindness. The Judge of Justice. 

He sees you. And me. And them. And He hears their stories and he holds them as they cry and he peeks into their future and He. He will not, ever look away. He refuses. He cannot look away. And He cannot stop crying for them. He cannot and He will not.

And I, my God, and my breath. Will not either. I will not look away. Because I see them.

I see them. I see.