There are some stories that I just forget to tell. Why? Not sure. I often do that in session too.
"Have I ever told you about....." or "Have we talked about this theory I have on......" or "I have this analogy on that....did we talk about this before?" For a therapist, I have a horrible memory and, honestly, just don't listen very well. But I am learning. Catching up on blogging (sounds strange), I realized I don't think I have shared one of my greatest God moments ever. What I am about to tell you is true. Every inch. Every unbelievable inch.
Moving to Boulder in 05, it was a rather lost time of my life. I have had many. I moved there knowing one person. One. Coming from being in ministry and teaching classes and being in the center of everything around me......it was quite the change. I liked it. So much. But isolation feeds depression, and I was in the pit. It was a late rainy Saturday afternoon. I hadn't eaten all day and needed to get out, so I was going to make a Wendy's run. So I thought. Leaving the apartment, I noticed that the clouds had cleared. In Colorado, rainbows are common place. Having more days of sunshine than anywhere else in the nation, sun follows rain quite quickly- causing rainbows. On this day, they were on double duty. Looking up in the sky, I saw two of the most beautiful rainbows I had ever seen. Brilliant. Bold. Magical.
And so..............I set out to follow them. To find the end. Yes, I am serious.
I was on a Mission and a Chase and getting Lost around every corner. Racing the clock before they disappeared. What does the end of a rainbow look like? I was going to find out once and for all. I turned left and right - looking up in the sky and plotting my course according to where I thought the end would be. And then the end would move. And I would chase it.
Chasing the Tail of a Rainbow is no easy task.
I did this for what seemed to be an hour. I couldn't believe that the rainbows were still in the sky. It was like God was waiting on me to find them. Giggling at me the entire time. LIke he had me on a wild rainbow chase. And that I did. Chased and chased. In the backest of back Colorado roads, wondering if I would ever find my way out again. I was getting closer and closer. One rainbow had already disappeared - so I was chasing the tail of rainbow number two, driving as fast I as I could on a mountain road. And then: I found it.
Driving around the corner, I was coming closer and closer to the end of the rainbow. It was right there. It just has to be right there....just around here.....just around this corner.....it looks like it goes into that field.
And it was. For a split second I saw it. I got out of my car and ran to the end. The end of the rainbow ................ fading into a field. And then it was gone. Was there a pot? Nope. Was there gold? Not a drop. There was a slow faint colorful fade into an abandoned field. And then that was it. And then it was over. Like the day after Christmas, but not so much. There was no disappointment. I was filled to overflowing. Exonerated. Enraptured. Filled. But that wasn't even the good part. Not even close.
It took me twice as long to get home. I was as lost as a southern girl with Absolutely no sense of direction in a new western territory could be. But it didn't matter. Just gave me more time to sing praises and thank God for this incredible joyride.
Which wasn't over.
Finally got home and opened the cabinet to get a glass for a drink. Found something pretty incredible. My mother is the Chief Encourager. In fact, when she gets to heaven, I feel sure she will be getting an award of some sort. She had been there the week before and put encouragement cards in various places throughout my apartment for me to find. Under my pillow. In the microwave. In my cabinet next to my glasses. I opened it up and read this:
"God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us- in the dreariest and most dreaded moments- can see a possibility of hope.” - Maya Angelou.
True.............. Every. Last. Colorful Inch.
Lesson Learned: We strive and we plot and we plan for the end. The goal. The mission. The top of the ladder or the "when I get there" moment. It's not about that. It's not about that at all. There is no pot. Do you hear me? THERE IS NO GOLD!! When we get to that "I will be happy when" or "We will be ok after" or "When I......then...." Guess what happens?
It moves. Promise. And we are left trying to find another rainbow to chase. The other option is this: We can look back on our journey. Kneel down in the middle of an abandoned field and cry out to a God bigger than life, asking Him: What, Lord, Will You Teach Me? How, My God, can you change me? How, Oh Potter, will you mold me? Now. Right Now - in the middle of this field. Right where I am. Today.
Today. May we find the end. You and Me. Today.........