Sense and Sensibility and Simply Yours

I have strange adorations. Simple idiosecrencies that would prove others to find me odd. Some that would cause me to type as if I were Marianne in Sense and Sensibility. And I do wish I was. One of which is taking long hot baths while watching movies on my laptop in the bathroom. But I am out now........and writing. Not in the bathtub.

Marianne is getting married as I type. Half of my screen full of horses, and church bells, and children waving flying banners in the wind. And Sense. and Sensibility. The other half holds my thoughts in the form of words and letters and emotions attempting to find themselves justice in sentences. I long for a simpler time of ribbons and sitting on porches and taking a turns about rooms. I do hope the Lord allows me to play dress up in ball gowns when I get to heaven - and to ride on ballgowns : )

There is a line in the first of the movie that simply is this:

"What is it that you wish for?"

It struck me. What is it that you wish for? It reminds me of a question not so different asked of me last week by a mentor of mine.

"What do you want to do? What is it that you want to fill your life with, if you felt as if you could choose?"

I paused. Novel to think it is actually up to me. Because - it actually is. Up to me.

My answer? Simple: Reading, Writing, Thinking, Being with my family and my nieces, Traveling, and Fulfilling my dreams in ministry through service to the Lord. It would not be going to coffee more, or answering more emails, or even fulfilling obligations that others place on me. It would actually look very opposite than that. I find that relationships often make up the depth of the marrow of life, yet they can also rob you of joy - if you allow them to. There is a balance. Finding it is difficult, but inevitably necessary to True Living.

I have realized that if those are my wishes, if those are my dreams - then fulfilling them is absolutely up to me. Only I can make that happen and only I can make that not happen.

Lord, in this time of reflection I ask that you grant me with groundedness. Knowing that is not something you actually grant at all. True groundedness must be developed, and granting it would simply be shortchanging me in every way possible. So - I should truly ask for clarity of perspective that would allow me to be grounded.

May I feel the depths of each sense you have placed within heart while holding fast to the sensibility you have placed in my head. May I find balance. May I realize the control I have in creating that. And may I live out of choice.

Love to you on this night, My Lord. Grateful that you are my resting place. Hopeful that you like ballgowns - and horseback ballgowns : )

For I am

Yours, b